free time and memory

Image by Ekler via Flickr

sometime i feel my life have out of my control.
few days ago, my mother and i went to Johor to visit my brother, to have a look on him about his recent condition and intend to install a water filter at his place, try to minimize the intake of dirty water which will worsen his health condition.
At Johor, i have more free time for myself,and my mind became more clear and easy, whereby give me a space to look back at my life.
I search on my memory, i feel sad about my past time where it is totally very few memory about my brother and me spend time together, i look back at my children time memory, it seem that i spend very few time with him which made me can't even think of any play time was with him.
i said to myself, when i play football with my neighbor, when i play game with my friend, when i am at school, when i went for trip and etc, at the same time where is my brother? What he is doing? Who he is with? I feel pain in my chest and my tear came out.
I always think that i love and care about my brother very much, but is it true?I can say nothing.
Bro, i am sorry for what i didn't do for you and also what i have done on you.